Nine to Five

I have been working at an after-school/test prep school for a couple years now. On the whole, I have enjoyed my work here. I originally was supposed to run the after school program and teach a couple writing classes. But then, the office manager was fired. So I was asked to fill in. Then they hired someone “better”, so I resumed my original role. Then, they found out that she was too loud and prevented work from being done. So, I was asked to step in again, on top of running the after school. Then they hired someone who was “perfect”. Only problem is is that they didn’t properly train her or interview her. But I was happy, ecstatic even, to get back to my job. The children prefer me (I think) to the other teachers anyway. This new person turned out to be too stern and at one point tapped a child on the head with a marker.
I’ve never hit a kid. I don’t think that physical punishment or yelling helps kids learn. But I digress. In the end, she had to be let go as well.
This put me in the awful position of having to now fill in in the office and run a growing after school program.
I try not to complain because there are tons of people who do not have jobs at the moment. I am fortunate enough to even like what I am doing. But I’m not sure how much longer I can do this. Rather then trying to find a person who is fully capable of doing this job, they find whomever looks good at the moment. Obviously it’s not working. Whenever it becomes inconvenient for them, they just look for someone to fill the spot.
I told them my schedule before I agreed to fill in and now that it’s time for me to leave for a few days, they have decided that now is the time to look for someone. I have doubts as to whom they will find in a week. But I guess it’s their prerogative to fill the position any way they want.

The part that it the most frustrating for me is that rather then admit their mistakes, they keep passing the blame onto their employees. For example, I speak limited Korean. But a heavy part of this office position is Korean. They also knew this when I started that there might be problems and language barriers. But they said that it was okay. As they are frantically looking for a person to fill this position, they have decided to alert every one that the reason for this personnel change is that I cannot speak Korean. Nothing else. No mention that my tenure in the office was always intended as temporary. They also are highlighting the fact that I look younger than my years. Normally this is a compliment but it is being used as a flaw. A genetic “flaw” that I cannot control.

I hope they find someone soon. I don’t think I can stay much longer.

Adult Behavior

When I was young, I remember being told to behave like an adult. I thought I had it figured out. Adults are supposed to be polite and entertaining but never rude. I was always supposed to be mindful of other people’s feelings and never hold grudges. I am never supposed to isolate other because of “flaws” or “weird” behavior because those behaviors may not be so strange.
But now that I am an adult, I realize that some adults have never learned those lessons. The lessons that I think I have learned well are apparently not universal.
Some adults are petty and conniving, always trying to get their own way. Throwing tantrums when they are ignored or when they are overlooked.

This behavior is even more surprising when it occurs are church. Not that these adults are any different then adults you may encounter elsewhere, but it is extra upsetting to me when church going adults act this way.

Unless I have completely misheard the Gospel, Jesus taught that we should forgive and learn to understand each other. We are no better or worse because we are leaders in the church. No hierarchy exists. Lead as a servant then the rest will follow.

So upsetting.

143

We are getting married in 143 days. I’m kind of freaking out. Not because of cold feet or things of that nature, but because our parents are giving us mixed signals. I want them to tell us what they want without telling us that we can do whatever we want. In the end, this isn’t the case. They will have a say in all our decisions and I don’t think they realize that plans need be finalized really soon. It’s just holding us back now.

155 days

We are going to the chapel in 155 days. The madness has already  begun. We are trying to get things done quickly, while maintaining our sanity and minimizing freakouts.

Luckily we have great friends who are willing to help us with everything. I’ve had to get over the whole “I want to do things on my own” thing since this process has started.

But also, since our wedding date is so close, we need all the help we can get. There are so many little things that go along with the big things. I never could have imagined how detailed all of our decisions needed to be. Color schemes, place settings, napkin rings…the list goes on and on.

Red Velvet Cupcakes

I don’t understand this whole Red Velvet thing. I don’t think I’m cool enough to enjoy them. They just taste like less chocolate-y chocolate cupcakes.

I made them once. I knew that they required red food coloring, but I didn’t realize that I had to dump nearly half the bottle of dye in the cake to even make it look  even a little red. People seemed to enjoy them but I don’t think I’ll make them again.

I don’t know why everyone goes ape nuts over them. Is it the combination of cream cheese frosting and the hint of chocolate? Or is it the mysterious dark red cake? I’d much rather eat chocolate cupcakes.

I’m not sure why this was so important that I had to write an entire entry about them. But it has been on my mind for a long time. Cupcake shops have been springing up every few months where I live. And when I walk into them, the red velvet cupcakes are the ones that are the most popular at these places. But every one I’ve had tastes dry and uninteresting. Actually most of the cupcakes are dry and uninteresting.

I think I’ll just stick to the ones I make at home. Even though the opportunities to bake are far apart. I can eat a Mallomar to stave of my cupcake cravings.

Pretty Pretty Princess

Disney. Its on the same level as Barbie in my book.

But honestly, I love fairy tales. I used to love reading them when I was young, but I was the type of girl that read the non-Disney versions of these fairy tales. Did you know that “Little Mermaid” really dies in the original? Her love for her prince is unrequited and she becomes sea foam. After I saw the Disney version, I have to be honest, I loved the songs and the talking fish. But I was confused because this wasn’t the same version I remembered from my books.

But Disney can’t show us that version.

I hate you…

Bank of America. I hate you for the fact that you continue to charge me overage charges for an item that I didn’t buy. I hate the fact that you will refuse to take away at least ONE of the FIVE overage charges you have issued to me. I hate the fact that you say that you cannot do anything about the fees even though you are the one issuing them. I hate the fact that even though someone else bounced a check they wrote to me, you won’t even show me a little understanding and erase the overage charges. I did not buy anything. The reason my account is now overdrawn is because someone else forgot they didn’t have sufficient funds when they wrote me a check. And even though YOU are the ones that made the funds available to me before the funds were available in the other account, you still take $35 from my account every day. Never did I hear an apology from you when I explained the situation. There was not even one ounce of sympathy.

F’U Bank of America. I am closing the account I’ve had with you even before you were Bank of America. When you changed from Fleet Bank to BoA, I stayed. Even though others told me to leave and open an account somewhere else, I stayed a loyal customer. I even chalked up the extra “maintenance” fees to increased overhead. When you took bailout money, I said maybe this will make them remember who they owe their livelihood too.

But this is too much. I can’t find an excuse for your asshole behavior anymore. So this is my letter stating that I’m breaking up with you. And like a bad one night stand, I will not be calling you in the morning. And when others complain about your behavior, I’ll tell them what a bad lover you were. And encourage them to drop you too.

Goodbye Bank of America. You suck.

Friends? Why bother.

I will be the first to tell you that I don’t have very many close friends. I know lots of people, but when it comes to people I trust enough to rely on, the list is sparse. I do however have lots of people I call friends. I may not tell them my deepest darkest secrets but I will go out of my way to help them when they are in need. I do however hope that they will return the favor in one form or other.

I don’t ask for much. I just want to know that they will do everything they can to preserve themselves and not place themselves on a downward spiral.

Ms. JH and I helped a friend move over the summer. Trusting that the story she told us was true and that she did truly need our help, we hauled ourselves down south for a three hour car ride. We expected nothing in return except for her to respect our friendship and tell us the truth about everything. We found out that there is always two sides to a story and that we can’t trust our friend to tell us the truth, or at very the least, an un-exaggerated version of the truth.

We came home feeling used and not particularly happy with this friend. I haven’t spoken to her since that day. I can’t trust that she will take our advice and take herself off this spiraling path. We realize that she is at an uncertain juncture in her life. I cannot do anything more than help her figure things out and give her my advice. But if she refuses to tell us the truth about her decisions and the reasoning behind them, we cannot help her.

But if she’s happy aren’t I supposed to be happy for her? Maybe. But I think I know her. And if the person I’ve known for the past few years is who she really is, then she isn’t going to be happy. Her emotions will cave in on her and spiral out of control. But what am I supposed to do? I suppose nothing. All I can do it wait. Wait for that frantic phone call or that gchat to come.

Why do I write this? Maybe to just write out my frustrations and to articulate everything I had been thinking for weeks now. Or maybe it’s been written in a vain attempt at getting her to read this. Who knows.

Do you promise to tell the truth?

“Yes” was my answer in court today.
I was naive in thinking that everyone who took the oath to tell the truth would in fact, tell the truth. But sitting in court today made me realize that not everyone is interested in telling the truth. And even though they are clearly guilty of what they are being charged with and more, they are still unable to own up to their mistakes. It saddens me that a grown man is unable to face his victims and apologize for his deeds. Sitting in court and staring into his soulless eyes as he testified made my skin crawl. I was clenching my teeth so hard that when I got to my car, my jaw was aching. Every time I passed him in the hallway during recesses, I had to gather all my strength so that I could fight urge to beat him.

It was my first time testifying and needless to say I was nervous. Nervous that I wouldn’t say the right thing, that I wouldn’t remember events and the way things happened. Nervous that something I said would hurt our case.
Now that my part is over, you would think that I’d be relieved. But I’m not. I’m nervous about what’s to come and for the remaining people that have to testify.

My part is done at least. Only one more day left of this nonsense.

Domestic Abuse Victim Revealed!

I feel a little violated. Last night, as I was browsing different websites, a bunch of them had posted Rihannas police photo. There was no effort to hide it or even to place the photo below the jump. It was just there, on the main page for everyone to see. I had no intention of looking at the photo and honestly I didn’t want to see it. But I couldn’t avoid it. If it were anyone else, would they even bother writing a whole story/article/entry about the incident?

Unfortunately, the reality of the situtaion is that she isn’t the first woman to be abused and she won’t be the last.  But I suppose the difference here is that they are famous and our neverending fascintion with their lives means that we demand access to this kind of stuff.

I hope that this does one thing though. Even though I’m skeptical that any real huge societal attitudes towards domestic violence will change, I hope that people will begin to see that it isn’t a problem of the “lesser” classes. Abusers aren’t only alcoholics with bad tempers or drug abusers or husbands with a “god” complex. They can be anywhere and the glitter of fame and money doesn’t mean you are immune to real human problems.

Rather then placing these women in the spotlight and wondering what they did to make their spouses or boyfriends beat them, we need to give them real help.

What if she was your mother? Or sister? Or best friend? Would we want people to stare at her police photo wondering what she did to deserve it?